I've
been gone. I'm not really sorry, because I've just been feeling too awful
to be sorry. But I have been feeling a bit guilty, and now I'm back I can
definitely confirm that the little things really do make a difference. Because
the moment this tiny baby inside me hit the size of a kidney bean, it was like
I was riding the Mary Rose after a candy floss and cherryade binge - all day. Morning
sickness?! Pah! Bizarrely, my pregnancy app has just informed me it's
now the size of a banana (?!), and this very moment is the first time in
13 weeks I felt I could say anything at all without punctuating every sentence
with the phrase, "feel sick." Oh yes, I've been fun to be around
these last few months...
One
thing I have been dwelling on a lot lately, as my brain has slowly turned to
porridge and I fight the urge to drink entire jugs of chicken stock, has been
what a massive difference something so tiny can make. Because aside from the
excitement and terror and fuzziness that comes with finding out that in a few
months time you are going to have your very own wrinkly-faced (and hopefully
not too angry) little creature to love and look after, there has been a slow
creeping realisation about what this means for me. I mean, I'm not a young
blushing 20-something - I've had plenty of time to get all selfish and stuck in
my ways. Years and years have gone by in which I've been able to do exactly
what I wanted. I've had acres of time to devote to naval gazing and writing
mile-long lists of resolutions and ambitions. Life has been about me, me, me,
and unfortunately I'm not sure I've used it very wisely until now. And now, all
those things that really matter to me, have to take second place. Because I
already know that nothing is going to be more important than this little
kicking banana. Anyway, in an attempt to make the most of my last four months
sans enfant, i've signed up to this month's Camp Nano in an attempt to have a
first draft complete by mid August. I only need to write 1600 words a day to do
it which takes me about an hour and a half. Yup, just an hour and a half a day
to a first draft in six weeks. Oh, and apparently if I spend fifteen minutes
four times a week doing the Matt Roberts arm workout I can also have arms like
Sam Cam and Michelle Obama. Ah, I feel better already. It really is the
little things...
No comments:
Post a Comment